Question

REQUIRED:

1. Your rough draft is missing a subject line. Write an effective subject line that is appropriate for the Scenario described above.   

2. Evaluate the first sentence of your rough draft. If this is effective, write “Correct.” If not, create an appropriate first sentence.   

3. Your rough draft is missing a goodwill close. Write an effective goodwill close that is appropriate for the Scenario described above.

Directions: Study both the scenario and e-mail message rough draft below. Then, answer each question. When answering Questions 1 - 3, you may create fictional information if necessary.

SCENARIO

You are the HR manager for HealthFirst Inc. Your company’s accountant has recently informed you that your workers’ compensation insurance premiums are higher than industry standards. Along with this, you have noticed that employees are taking more sick days this year, compared with last year. You have also observed lately that your employees look more stressed and fatigued than usual.

You have shared this information with your company president, Jean Miller. Realizing the connection between physical fitness and employee well-being, she has suggested that you research some options for improving employee health and fitness at the company. Specifically, she has asked you to report your recommendations in an e-mail message, using direct order, by April 4.

After careful research, you have concluded that the company should implement an employee fitness program.

Last week, you had written a rough draft of the e-mail message to Jean, as shown below. However, after proofreading your rough draft, you realize that you will need to fix your mistakes before sending the final draft to your company president.

E-mail Message – ROUGH DRAFT

DATE:            March 28, 2019

TO:                  Jean Miller, President

SUBJECT:

(1) An increase in workers’ compensation (WC) insurance premiums has been observed in our company over the past 12 months. (2) In addition, a higher number of sick days have been taken this year. (3) On March 1 you asked me to research some options to reduce WC claims and ameliorate the health of our employees.

(4) As a result, I am reccomending that we introduce an employee fitness program in several stages. (5) With a fitness program, we can ensure the health and safety of every employee. (6) I offer my full and complete support with implimenting this program. (7) Please don’t hesitate to contact me as soon as possible if I can help you with anything else.

(8) According to researchers, workplace health and fitness are important for many reasons. (9) For example, if employees will exercise regularly, they will improve their fitness level and reduce their stress levels. (10) Therefore, our company can save money by preventing employee sick days.

(11) Many details about the new program are in the attachment, “Program Details.”  

(!2) It is a practical resource with options for creating effective fitness programs. (13) It can also be used to design a timeline for each stage of the program.

Answer 1

Subject- Recommendations on improving the health and fitness at the company

First line- there is a strong inverse correlation between the overall well-being of the employees at a company and the sick days taken as well as the health insurance claims by the employees.

Goodwill close- if possible, move lines 6 and 7 to the end, after providing backing and implementation guidelines for implementing the program. The close could be rephrased as below-

Based on the industry research and expert recommendation, I strongly support implementation of this program. This program is targeted at improving the well-being and fitness of the employees. Please feel free to share your thoughts on the program and its implementation. I am sure that with the support from you and the top management we will see positive results very soon.