Question

FORMAL MEMO: Revise a formal memo to improve the "You-Attitude." See Unit 2, Module 6, p. 99

Imagine you are a manager in an office building undergoing some renovations. A member of your staff writes the following memo:

Subject: Status of Building Renovations

We are happy to announce that the renovation of the lobby is not behind schedule. By Monday, October 9, we should be ready to open the west end of the lobby to limited traffic. The final phase of the renovation will be placing a new marble floor in front of the elevators. This work will not be finished until the end of the month. Please exercise caution when moving through the construction area. The floor will be uneven and steps will be at unusual heights. Watch your step to avoid accidental tripping or falling. Failure to pay attention can result in injury or worse, so don’t walk and text or read your phone while moving in this area.

Answer 1

(1) 2nd sentence

Problem: The writer is emphasizing that he/she has the authority to open. But it should be emphasized on the benefit of the readers. It should also be notified that the limited traffic is a temporary step taken by them.

Revision: By Monday, October 9, the west end of the lobby should be ready to open to limited traffic at first.

(2) 4th sentence

Problem: The sentence is making a conflict between the reader and the writer. It can be represented in a more positive manner.

Revision: This work is expected to be finished in the following month.

(3) Last sentence

Problem: The sentence is too selfish and writer centric.

Revision: Please be careful and try to avoid walk and text or read while moving to this area to avoid any unnecessary injury or worse.