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How can I get people to stop judging me?

Answers:1   |   LastAnswerAt:2010.08  

Asked at 2010.08.31 00:19:58
I am nineteen years old, married, and 37 weeks pregnant with my first child. People say some of the rudest, most hurtful things to me. An older man asked me if my parents had disowned me yet, then said if I was his daughter he would have. A lady who lives next door to me "mumbled" (loud enough that i could hear, of course) that i ought to be ashamed of myself for not doing the kind thing for my baby and ending the pregnancy. Many other people sneer, say ugly things, and in general judge my worthiness as a parent. They don't even know me or my husband! why do people say such things? Will they ever stop?
p.s. I have a full-time job, as does my husband, and we are doing well financially. Ive been working with children since I was old enough to volunteer at children's camps and daycares (13 in Arkansas. ) and i think i have as much, if not more, experience with kids than alot of older parents!
answer MrsMama21  Answered at 2010.08.31 00:19:58
I was in your exact position. I was 19 years old and married when I had my daughter. But I happen to look young for my age and would get all kinds of comments. One lady took one look at me and said "Aw, its so tough being a single mom these days. You highschool girls should be more careful!" She couldnt have been more wrong!! My mother in law suggested we consider our other "options" which made me want to puke, and my parents hated my husband at the time so bad that they told us we could live in a dumpster for all they cared. I had a very difficult and sick pregnancy, but my husband and I WANTED our daughter. She wasnt "planned", sure, but that didnt mean we werent ready. I cried and got screamed at every day. I was throwing up all the time, and had to eat every 2 hours or I would get sick. My boss called me a wuss and told me to suck it up.

Let me tell you, hang in there. Things CAN get better. Once our daughter was born, our entire world changed. Our families saw how beautiful and healthy she was, and what a great job we are doing with her. People may always assume the worst if they want, but oh well. You will prove them wrong! I personally think that age has nothing to do with parenting skills, and that there are some women twice our age who are half the parents we are. Good luck sweetie, hang in there. Once your angel is here, even if people keep up the rudeness, you wont care. They outshine anything that anybody could say! My daughter is now 2 years old and we are constantly complimented on how happy, loveable, smart, and easy-going she is. I tell people that You get what you give, and that is what we give our daughter is happiness and love. I'm a stay at home mom, and my husband only works 4 days a week, so she gets lots of attention and learning. If you ever wanna chat to someone who has been there, IM me at [email protected] Also, if you wanna see our little girl, its at Watch the slideshow, it will make you excited about being a mom. Take care! :)

PS, i think that times are changing. The vast majority of my highschool class is already married off and having children and we are only 21-22. I think that people who have children think that no one else can do as good a job as they did, especially if you are younger. Or, they may be jealous of the possibility that you are doing BETTER than them. Some people just HATE the concept of other people being happy, like they have exclusive rights to the emotion. I'm personally glad that we started young, because then we will also be done young too, and can enjoy life with grown children and grandchildren while we are only in our 40s.
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